I don't know why, but I'm missing you more than normal these days...maybe it's because the holiday season is here. I look at your little brother and realize just how much I missed out on with you. It's just not right.
I look at the title I just wrote and it blows my mind that it's been 27 months since I last kissed your cheek. You know, even to this day, I regret not spending more time with your little body. But, in my heart, I knew it wasn't you. You left your body long before I ever got to see your face. Still, I regret the things I didn't do. I probably always will.
I miss you, plain and simple. I find myself wondering what life would be like if you were here. Would Joshy be here too? Would I be going crazy with an almost 5 month old and a 27 month old to take care of?
In a way I'm both dreading the holidays and excited for them to come. Last year, I was newly pregnant, excited to announce to our family. In fact, exactly one year ago today, I found out your brother was on his way. I didn't have a lot of time to dwell on the fact you were missing yet another Christmas...I was too scared of what might happen to the new little life growing inside me. This year is different though. While I have Josh here, it still reminds me of everything I didn't get to do for/with you.
I love you little one, more and more each day. I wish you were here with us.
Fallon Jade Rilling
4 days ago