Yes, I know. Its been a long time. This space was created as a place for me to write down my feelings after losing Addison. Yes, I have added in some life updates, but I try to keep it about her. Today is one of the days when the grief hits me like a ton of bricks. Today, she should be 4 1/2 years old. How has it been four and a half years since she was born? How have I survived without her? Why was I forced to continue without her?
She came to me in a dream the other night. Well, the little girl in my head is what I imagine her looking like now, but she had changed so much from the last time I dreamed of her. I can't even remember the last time she entered my dreams. She's tall and thin, with just a bit of the toddler pudge. Her hair is long and thick, not as curly but still the natural waves. Its not nearly as red as previous dreams, but still a hint of that strawberry in her blonde. As always, I am never able to hug her or even get close enough to touch her; she just smiles and waves. can I just say that even that sucks. I know it's just a dream but why won't my subconscious even let me touch her. Sigh...
Fallon Jade Rilling
4 days ago