Here it is, a week from her birthday and the funk is coming in hard and fast. Sigh... Some days it seems as though the grief is just as hard as it was when I was just days after giving birth to my lifeless daughter. But, for the most part, life has gotten easier. But her birthday will always get to me I think.
We have no big plans. We never do. I know I prefer to let her day pass quietly, just as she did. Though, this year, since Joshy loves "birtday cate" so much, maybe we'll have some.
Can I just say this sucks? I try not to complain too much, especially because I have a rainbow. He is the true meaning of a rainbow, too, bringing so much light, joy, and laughter in to our house. But REALLY, living the life of a BLM sucks. Instead of celebrating milestones, we grieve for what should have been and it's not fair. And, notice I said "SHOULD have been" not "COULD have been" because, in all honesty, no child should ever be ripped away from it's parents.
But, life as it is, will go on...
Fallon Jade Rilling
4 days ago