Thursday, August 23, 2012

It melted my heart....

(This post was supposed to publish yesterday and didn't.  No idea why.)

I can't believe J will be 6 weeks old tomorrow.  Where has the time gone?  It's certainly going way too fast.

Today, while being held by his great aunt, he turned his head towards my voice and smiled.  Talk about melting my heart.... 

Sometimes I wonder if I'm still guarding my heart from being hurt again.  Its not that I don't love my son, because I do.  I love him more than my own life...but there's still that fear.  I guess its to be expected.  Some days it still doesn't feel real...is he really mine to keep?  But, for how long?  I hate being like this...I hate having these fears...while I accept this new life, I definitely don't like it.  Being a BLM sucks.





2 comments:

Ashley said...

He is precious. I can only imagine how hard it is to unharden your heart when you have lost like you have.

I'll be praying for you!

Deanna said...

Mary, he is just so cute! I love the photos. It is so hard to let our guard down. I feel like every minute is a gift. Every night I pray that A. will wake up the next morning and he is almost two and a half! It is hard not to expect the worst. Soak up every minute, love that little boy with all of your heart, and cherish those smiles. Pretty soon he'll be saying "Mommy, I love you" and it will melt your heart all over again.

 
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