The picture that's missing...

All over Facebook there are pictures dedicated to the first day of school.  It's the time of year parents are rejoicing and kids are complaining.  But this parent right here is wishing I could be the one taking those pictures.  Addison should be heading off to kindergarten this year.

Its been nearly 5 years since I last saw my sweet girl.  Five freaking years...how is that possible.  How is it that I'm missing one of the most crucial points in my little girl's life?  How is it that my chance to put her on that bus for the first time has been taken away?  How is it that I'm not allowed to braid her hair for that all too important first impression?

Oh this month is taking a toll on me.  More than I thought it would.  I recently saw a meme that hit home.  It said something to the tune of when you become a BLM, not only do you lose a baby, you lose a 5 year old, 10 year old, etc.  You lose the milestones, you lose the future, not just the present.  And, good lord, it's a hard reality to face.