The highs and lows of this life

And, so another 27th has come and gone.  I really just wish I could skip every 27th all together.  I hate them.  Just means I'm one month closer to another birthday that she won't celebrate with us.  I think she knew I needed some sign this weekend.  I saw sooooo many different kinds of butterflies while we were camping.   At least 3 different types of swallowtails and lots of fritillaries.

Its been a rough couple of months.  Between changing jobs and the death of my father in law, life has been extremely stressful.  That stress often leads to wandering mind and restless nights filled with dreams of what should have been and it just makes me sad.  Sad that she's not here and sad that I seem as though I'm not thankful for what I have.

But, of course, I AM thankful for what I have.  I wouldn't trade my son for the world, even if it meant bringing her back.  There, I said it.  I know, in my heart, that if she had survived, he would not be here.  I, the person I am today, would not be here either.  And, I wouldn't be deserving to have such a sweet little boy.  Instead, my little girl is cared for by so many loving people and finally gets to meet her Granddaddy and show him the ropes.

Despite the sadness that has surrounded me lately, that sweet little boy continues to amaze me.  He's growing soooo fast.  At 10 1/2 months, he has 3 teeth (the 3rd just broke through over the weekend), loves pulling himself up and cruising along.  I swear he'll be walking in no time!  He babbles up a storm, saying momma, dada, nana, and a few others.  He's starting to realize who momma is and calling me momma (heart melting!).  He tried climbing the stairs at his sitter's house, which, in turn, means he tries it here too.  Oh, sweet boy, slow down, please!