So, after a lot of thought, Patrick and I have decided to celebrate Addison's birthday privately. We are going to take a trip, one very similar to the babymoon we took in April of 2010, when I was 20 weeks pregnant. Our trip will take us down the Jersey coast to visit several lighthouses. Our babymoon consisted of a road trip to visit lighthouses in Maryland, Virginia and North Carolina. This kind of trip has become "our thing" and it seems to be a fitting way to honor her first birthday. I know some family and friends may be disappointed that we aren't having a party. I just don't think either one of us is ready to face this day surrounded by people. We need to do this alone, just the 2 of us. I still plan on doing a balloon release, but instead of it being in my backyard, it will be on a beach somewhere in NJ. We are trying to include our family in the celebration, though. We have asked that anyone who wants to celebrate her life to light a candle or release a balloon or even just remember that August 27 is her birthday.
Just remembering her is the greatest gift anyone could ever give us. That has always been my biggest fear...that she will be forgotten. Even though she never took a breath, she did exist. She is and always will be our daughter, regardless of physical presence.
It seems as though I've had a candle burning the whole month of August. So many angels have celebrated a birthday this month. My heart is heavy just knowing that I share this in common with so many mommas. I've tried to keep up with all the birthdays but its just not working. I think I'm going to set up a calendar as a reminder. I hate missing all these birthdays. Please keep an eye out for the post, I want to add all of our angels to this calendar!
I also wanted to send out a HUGE thank you to Sarita, Meredith's mom, for sending Addie her first birthday card. It brought happy tears to my eyes. Franchesca, from Small Bird Studios, recently added a card to her Lost for Words line, that says it perfectly (click here to see it). I am so thankful for the people I have met since Addie died. Only moms who have been through a loss can truly understand what it is like. I have made friends all over the world...friends who are there to comfort me even when they can't find light in their own lives.
Last, but not least, I wanted to share my new Sunset Butterflies from Carly Marie. I'm gathering quite the collection, not that I mind...every one of her butterflies are gorgeous! One day, I will have them all...I hope!
Fallon Jade Rilling
4 days ago