It's hard to believe that in just over 2 weeks, Addie will be 1. Yet, here I sit, no baby to hold and celebrate with. Words cannot describe how much I miss her. Lately I haven't had a lot of time to miss her. I've been so busy with Illuminate and finishing up the memory boxes on top of everything else. But now that Illuminate is finished and the boxes almost complete, my head is filling with thoughts of her. Still, life goes on. So far, we have no big plans for her birthday. I talked to P, and it seems he's not comfortable with having people over. He hasn't said that yet, but he's "thinking about it." That, to me, is a sign that he doesn't want to. Maybe I'm reading him wrong, but I don't think so. All I know is, if we aren't having people over, then I don't want to be home. I need to be a hostess to keep my mind off of her. If I'm home, all I will want to do is sit in her room and cry. I still want to do a butterfly or balloon release though.
I have started a new project to help occupy my mind. I've decided to keep my class blog for Illuminate active and take part in Project 365. Project 365 is just the concept of taking a picture every day for a year. Some have themes, others have specific objects/subjects for each day. My project will focus on things I love, things I enjoy doing, and anything that reminds me of her. It's a huge undetaking, but I need the challenge. Wish me luck! And feel free to check it out anytime: www.addieslight.wordpress.com.
Friday, August 12, 2011
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5 comments:
took me a while to figure out our plans for Hayes' 1 year, but things started to fall into place, and our little service was born. Jason didn't want to have people over either, but he then realized it was something I needed, so he relented. And now he's glad too. I think it will be good for us both. will be thinking of you as you make your plans for sweet addie
Mary I'm so sorry she's not here with you. It's just so so wrong. I hope that you are able to come up with something that both you and you're hubby are happy with. I'll be thinking of you and your precious girl.....xoxo
I'm so sorry that you are sitting here a year after empty arms instead of toddling baby. I went through my son's one year a couple of months ago and it was terrifying, especially as I was miscarrying my second rainbow a week beforehand. I did choose to see people. We had two of our closest friends out to the cemetery to do a balloon release. Then we went out to dinner. It was peaceful and quiet and having our friends there was so needed. I too hope you find a solution for the both of you. Follow your hearts.
You have been on my heart, with Addie's birthday coming up. I mailed her a little card yesterday. I know whatever you do in her honor will be beautiful. xoxo
I've been trying to decide if I would like to take Beryl's course. I got a shiny new camera for my birthday and really need to put it to use. However, where taking pictures right after Chai died was soothing to me, now it isn't so much. Bleh, why does it have to be so hard? Thinking of you as you approach Addi's birthday~
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