Thursday, August 25, 2011

Change is....good? Words to remember...

    So, thanks to Hurricane Irene, we won't be hitting the Jersey coast.  I couldn't care less about the friggin storm, but I know it wouldn't be safe to be there.  I'm extremely disappointed.  This was kind of our thing.  Maybe I'm an idiot linking her with a lighthouse trip, but it just made sense to me.  She was there on our first lighthouse trip, so why not celebrate her life with another.  Hopefully, though we can make this particular trip soon.  Instead, we've booked a weekend at the Canaan Valley resort in WV.  Anything to get us out of the house.  I can't be stuck here.  So maybe change will be good.
     I didn't sleep well last night, but I guess I hadn't expected to.  I keep hearing Dr. Wiley's words, over and over again.  No matter how foggy that day is, his words ring through loud and clear..."I see no cardiac activity."    Plain, simple, devastating.  I wish I could forget.  I've been reliving that day over and over.  And I don't see it ending anytime soon.
     Oh how I wish things were different.  I miss you...more than you will ever know.


Stefanie said...

I know your feelings all too well. Sam's birth replays in my head over and over and over again, all day long. The word ring in my ears and echo all day long. Every now and then I get a moment of silence from them, then the silence scares me.
I love the idea of the lighthouse trip. The date only means some thing to us, for our angels time is nothing. I am sure she would feel just the same if you went to the lighthouse another day and remembered her. Where ever you are Addison will follow-lighthouse or no lighthouse she's there hold you two.
I am thinking you more these days than ever. Prayers to you and your hubby. ((hugs))

Becky said...

No cardiac activity, no heartbeat, ugh, worst worst ever! Thinking of you and Addison today and sorry your trip had to be cancelled.

Natasha said...

So sorry Mary. I hate that you can't take the trip you want. I think it totally makes sense that you associate lighthouses with her- that was your thing and she was there with you. I hope the new vacation is ok for you.

I wish she was here. I will be thinking of you and your little Addie....xoxo

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