Friday, May 27, 2011

The time you've been gone now equals how long you were here...



   Nine months....*sigh*.  Can I just say I HATE, HATE, HATE this!  Its not right...I shouldn't have had to say goodbye to my baby.  No one should ever have to say goodbye to their child, its not the natural order of things. 
    Here I am, nine months later, and nothing has changed.  The hole in my heart is ridiculously large, I am childless, I haven't gone in her room since January, and I cry almost every night.  I miss her more and more each day.  I feel as though I'm getting farther away from her with every passing moment.  I don't remember what it was like to feel her move and kick.  I don't remember what she smelled like, or what it was like to touch her skin.  I'm forgetting so much about her.  And I'm regretting not doing more.  I regret not taking more pictures, especially one with all of us together, a family picture of sorts.  I regret not holding her more, not bathing her, not spending more time with her.  So many regrets...and not a damn thing I can do about it!



   

     Happy 9 months sweet girl.  Momma's heart is breaking more each day because we're apart.   I miss you.



10 comments:

Deanna said...

thinking of you, Mary! ((hugs))

Sandy said...

I'm so sorry. Thinking of you.

Keleen said...

9 months...it's so unfair! Thinking of you and Addie <3

Stephanie said...

Crying for you. I am so sorry.

Becky said...

Missing Addie with you...

Natasha said...

So very sorry Mary.....you're right it is just so unfair. You should not have to be without that precious little girl. I am praying for you my friend and hoping you have some peace today.

Sending lots of love

xoxo

Missy said...

Sending lots of love your way. Passing this milestone so to speak was very hard for me. Remembering Addison with you~

Cindy said...

Oh Mary, my heart breaks for you every day. I miss you and your beautiful daughter.

New Year Mum said...

My heart goes out to you... this must be such a hard day for you. Love to you and Addison xoxo

PS. I'm going to take my blog private in a week or so... and would love to keep sharing my journey with you. Email me on newyearmum@gmail.com for me to add your email to my list xoxo

Holly said...

It is unfair. No mother should have such an aching heart. :(

 
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