I never realized how much I wanted to be a mom until I found out I was pregnant with Addison. The longing to be a parent and to hold my child has not subsided. I love dreaming about her, but I'm tired of only dreaming. I want to be a mom. I promised myself I wouldn't get upset every time Mother Nature found me. What a f***ing joke. And, by the way, screw you Mother Nature. I didn't appreciate your little tease this month. I tried not to get my hopes up when I was a few days late but it didn't work. Just another let down. My body has failed me yet again. Yes, I know its only been a couple of months since we were given the green light to try to conceive again, but I don't like the waiting and the wondering. I don't want to be 60 when my child graduates from high school, but my doctor won't intervene until we've gone past the year mark. I know there are other families out there who have struggled to get pregnant much longer than a few months and I'm sorry for complaining (it took so long the first time and I don't want to go that long again). But, I WANT TO BE A MOM. Is that so much to ask?! I'm tired of being a disappointment to myself my husband and my family; I'm tired of being a failure. I want the chance to be the mother I was supposed to be for Addie.