Dreams just aren't enough anymore...

     I never realized how much I wanted to be a mom until I found out I was pregnant with Addison.  The longing to be a parent and to hold my child has not subsided.  I love dreaming about her, but I'm tired of only dreaming.  I want to be a mom.  I promised myself I wouldn't get upset every time Mother Nature found me.  What a f***ing joke.  And, by the way, screw you Mother Nature.  I didn't appreciate your little tease this month.  I tried not to get my hopes up when I was a few days late but it didn't work.  Just another let down.  My body has failed me yet again.  Yes, I know its only been a couple of months since we were given the green light to try to conceive again, but I don't like the waiting and the wondering.  I don't want to be 60 when my child graduates from high school, but my doctor won't intervene until we've gone past the year mark.  I know there are other families out there who have struggled to get pregnant much longer than a few months and I'm sorry for complaining (it took so long the first time and I don't want to go that long again).  But, I WANT TO BE A MOM.  Is that so much to ask?!  I'm tired of being a disappointment to myself my husband and my family; I'm tired of being a failure.  I want the chance to be the mother I was supposed to be for Addie.