Thursday, March 10, 2011


"How very softly you tiptoed into our world, almost silently, only a moment you stayed.  But what an imprint your footsteps have left upon my heart."  --Dorothy Ferguson

     As a friend of mine puts is a blue day.  I didn't sleep very well last night.  She's coming to me in dreams again.  It's not that I don't love seeing her, because I do.  I just wish it wasn't only in my dreams.  Last night was the third night in a row.  Always the same...she laughs, she smiles, she plays and I can't touch her.  But at least she seems happy.
     I love seeing her happy.  I just wish it were in real life and we could all enjoy her being here.  It's not right to have to "bury" your child.

"Lord, make me a rainbow, I'll shine down on my mother.  She'll know I'm safe with you when she stands under my colors.  Life ain't always what you think it ought to be, no.  Ain't even grey but she buries her baby."  --The Band Perry

     As I sit here writing this, a coworker says, "Well, stillbirth doesn't really happen anymore..."  I couldn't keep quiet about that one.  (This happens to be the same coworker who said she wanted to ditch her son one day.)  I looked at her and said, "1 in 4 pregnancies end in miscarriage, pregnancy loss or stillbirth."  She just looked at me and said "Wow, really?  It's still that high?"  I just nodded.  What else do you say to that?  I'm not one that likes to share my personal life at work.  A few people here know, mainly because of my older brother.  He works for the same company I do, he's just been here longer.  Otherwise, I don't share my personal life.  Why is it that the world just doesn't see that miscarriage and still birth happen all the time?  Or maybe they just want to ignore it all together.  But why?  There's no reason to be ashamed...yet I don't offer up my loss.  Why is that?


Jenn said...

I am the same way - not ashamed of my losses - but I don't offer them up, either. I think mostly because it feels like a very private matter and I don't want to share with just anybody. Also, I'm often afraid of the comments and stupid things people will say that will upset me.

Melissa said...

I'm sorry it's a bad day, but know me and a lot of others are thinking of you and sweet Addison. The people around me are the same, a lot in my family and even close friends which is very sad. They don't talk about it and they act as if it wasn't a big deal. I guess it doesn't become a big deal until such a thing happens to them, but I pray that it doesn't. Just like I have always said when things like this happen friends become strangers and strangers become friends.

Missy said...

I'm with you and Jenn and sometimes it leaves me reeling when I don't brave up and speak. But then there's always the side where the tears come and you go emotional all over somebody. I wish I were stronger for all of us. All my love mama~

Becky said...

before Liam had died I was just like that lady. I had always known of miscarriage and SIDS but never really new of stillbirth, i feel stupid even saying that but having this happen to me has been a complete eye opener
hope your day gets better

DandelionBreeze said...

So sorry that you're having a blue day... all my heart and thoughts are with you. Unfortunately this statistic of pregnancy loss hasn't really changed much over the past 10 - 20 years.... I didn't realise this either, until it happened to us, but so heartless for your work colleague to make such a dismissive comment :( xoxo

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