Sunday, March 20, 2011

Rainbows on the horizon for many...yet tears still follow.

   I've been reading about a lot of rainbows lately and wonder when it will be my turn.  I even have a friend who isn't a BLM but just recently found out she is pregnant with her third.  An oops you could say considering her youngest was born just a month before Addie.  I know she is over the moon happy, she and her husband want a big family, but wow...3 kids under the age of 4.  She's a better woman than me!  But I would give anything to be in her shoes.  As 'jealous' (and happy of course, don't get me wrong!  The jealousy is the good kind :) if there can really be a good kind...maybe envious is a better word!) as I am for these mommas and their pregnancies, I often wonder how I will feel when I do finally become pregnant again.  I just read this post at Jenn's Den and just want to cry.  I feel so bad for her, I can't even fathom what she is going through.  Its things like this the scare me the most.  I really don't know what I would do if this happened to me.  And it has happened to poor Jenn more than once...Jenn, I'm praying hard for you and that says a lot coming from a person who doesn't exactly call herself religious.  Positive thoughts are heading your way! 
     I'm impatient and hesitant at the same time when it comes to my own little rainbow.  I've questioned it before and I guess I always will, regardless of how many happy, healthy children I have.  There will always be that "what if" in the back of my mind.  All of my friends out there in blog land please keep Jenn and her little one in your thoughts and prayers.  She's going to need them.

4 comments:

Missy said...

Life seems to be extremely cruel and unfair and I don't know what to make of it. It terrifies me to no end. Keeping Jenn and all the other mama's who experiencing new loss dear to my heart.

New Year Mum said...

Thinking of her from a far... so sorry to hear about her loss. It is terrifying to think of losing another one... but it is the love of our yet-to-be future child/ren that keeps us going I guess xoxo

Jenn said...

Thank you for this, Mary. I've had some very kind comments from some of your readers. Your support is so very appreciated, it helps to know I'm not alone. xx

Tabatha said...

I know of this feeling very well.. I too feel that envy that jealousy.. it can eat at you the more you dwell.. and the longer you stare lol.. but it seems like everyone is getting their rainbows.. my hubby hasn't jumped on the rainbow train yet.. so it's even more hurtful.. but I like what New Year Mum said.. it's our kids to come that keep us going.. a friend said to me that the yearning we have comes from the spirits of our future children just waiting to join us on earth. It gave me some comfort when I read that.. to know that another little bean is patiently waiting for me.. thinking and praying for your friend Jenn xxoo

 
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