A small victory and feelings of defeat...

   What a weekend!  I don't think I stopped moving until I went to bed Sunday night.  I have so many blogs to read its not funny!  But I'll catch up eventually.  Saturday was as full of outdoor work as possible.  We've gotten a lot of rain lately, so everything is soggy, but Saturday gave us a bit of a break.  Haven't gotten to finish Addie's perennial garden yet, but soon, hopefully!  I need to plant the bulbs soon so they will bloom this year.  Sunday my husband and I went to his sister's house for Easter.  She lives about 3 hours away so we couldn't stay too long.  I finally, officially introduced myself to my newest nephew, who is 2 months old today.  That was my goal...to hold Nick, and I did.  Without tears!  I'm so glad I did because what a cutie!  And my husband, who is such a natural I must say, held him as well.  Made my heart ache to see how well he did with Nick.  Come on rainbow baby, you need to make an appearance in the form of a positive test very soon!  Here's a few pics:

Sweet Nicholas Xavier meets Aunt Mary for the first time

Such a natural...

Sleepy Nick



The look on my hubby's face just breaks my heart.
 When will it be our turn?

 I have to say, it was nice to hold a baby in my arms.  I hope, one day soon, to hold my own child like this.

    Monday brought a return to work.  I really hate Mondays.  They are so busy, and yesterday was no exception.  I guess I should explain what I do.  I am a supervisor for a call center that takes calls for a large national cemetery.  We are pretty new, started from the ground up, to help the cemetery with its call volume.  Yesterday, a coworker, who happened to be a friend long before we started working together, had a rough call.  She had an upset caller who wanted reassurance from someone that their issue would be taken seriously.  Well, the call had to deal with a child who had died.  Normally, I can separate my emotions from my job.  But not today.  The minute she told me about the call my heart started pounding, tears filled my eyes and I couldn't talk.   My friend, not thinking about what she had said until after she said it.  I took a deep breath and said, "I'm sorry, but I can't take this call."  She immediately started apologizing, knowing she had upset me.  I quickly asked her to try another supervisor directly at the cemetery and hung up the phone.  I had to walk away...I got myself under control pretty quickly, but I was upset at myself for not being able to take over that call.  And, I was upset because I knew it had upset her too.  She didn't do it on purpose, she just didn't think about it.  It wasn't her fault at all.  I've tried very hard to remain professional, regardless of what I face.  This isn't the first instance that I have had to deal with a child that has died...I had a call today about a stillborn and I was fine.  I don't know what it was about this one...it just got to me, caught me off guard.  After I was under control, I went back to my desk and called her.  She was in tears on the phone and I felt so bad.  I want people to realize that I don't expect them to remember everything, I don't want them to feel that they have to walk on eggshells around me, because they don't.  I felt defeated...like I had failed my friend that day by not being able to do my job.  But, I can say this...first time in almost 6 months that I've had an issue at work.  That's pretty darn good odds.  But, I've come to expect that it will happen, and there's not a damn thing I can do to stop it.