Tuesday, July 5, 2011

Silence is golden? Or maybe not...

    I've been pretty quiet lately.  Mostly because I've been so busy.  Summertime brings a lot of action around the Thompson household.  I've been gardening and camping and cleaning and, most of all, working on the memory boxes.  All the fun stuff.  I've been trying to keep my mind off of the fact that her birthday is less than 2 months away  I'm struggling with the fact that she should be turning 1 and we should be celebrating her life and not her memory.
     She sent us a big wink the other day.  We spent the long weekend camping with my family.  I was sitting in my mom and dad's camper when P comes knocking on the window.  Lo and behold, on his hat, there sits a butterfly.  She stayed there for a long time.  A wink?!  I think so...

We spent a lot of time around the campfire too.  There's just something so soothing about a crackling fire (and s'mores and roasting weenies!).  So relaxing...just what I needed.  Time with family and friends can cure just about anything.

Good times with great friends and family

Jazz having his breakfast treat:  sausage gravy and biscuits

     As I said, I've been struggling a lot lately with her upcoming birthday.  I want to have a birthday party, but I don't even know where to start.  I don't even know how to bring up the subject with the rest of my family, not even P.  I almost feel silly even thinking about planning her party.  But how is it silly?  She's my daughter, why shouldn't we have a party for her?  I just don;t know where or how to begin.
     And, with her first birthday looming around the corner, so are the birthdays for little Aaron and Miss Layla.  Their moms and I were pregnant together last year.  They are 2 of my best friends and I had hoped our children would be just as close.  Now, an Evite invitation sits in my email, just waiting to be answered.  It's an invitation to Layla's first birthday party.  I don't think I can do it.  I've already promised Jess I would help out in any way I can, but I don't think I can do it.  Every time I go to RSVP, I can't...my eyes well up and I start shaking.  The last thing I want to do is turn into a blubbering fool in the middle of her birthday party.  But, I don't want to hurt Jessica's feelings either.  She has been so great to me, more than I can say for most of my so-called friends.  I have no idea what to do...why can't this just be easier?


Shell said...

I think you should do what feels right for you. If you want a party for your Addison then plan it and do what means the most to you. I understand what you are feeling as well about the upcoming parties that you are invited to. Your friends will understand with whatever you decide. Sending hugs your way for you and your Addison.

Missy said...

I agree with Shelly, do what is right for you. My therapist keeps drilling that into my head because I feel guilty for not doing things or I do them and always feel one of two things: relief for having made it through and it wasn't bad at all or stupid because I was miserable. Your family sounds wonderfully supportive and I think it would be an amazing thing to have a birthday party for Addison. Not one person from my husband's family bothered to call/text/etc on Chai's birthday and I figured that would be the case in advance so I chose to do something with just us. You know your own situation best and who would welcome the honor to celebrate Addie's first birthday with you. Sending you love and strength no matter what you decide~

Raquel said...

Hey friend!! You should definately plan something that feels right for you. As far as the other parties- I would be honest and say you don't feel comfortable and you don't want to take away from thier child's special day but you can also help behind the scences in some way like with favors or picking stuff up. I think they will understand. :) Totally thinking of you.

PS. Hope you got your giveaway necklace in the mail.

Monica said...

I agree that you should plan what feels right but don't expect perfection. I always have something I wish I had done or will do differently the next time. I'm glad you have such great support in your family.

Cindy said...

Like the other ladies said. Do what feels right. I am sure your friends will totally understand you not being there at their party. Its not an easy mark to face. A year. If you want to plan a party do it. It is for her and you.

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