Friday, January 7, 2011


     "When you lose a child, your life doesn't just change.  You're shattered on the inside, blown to bits, your heart broken.  It takes a long time to come back together again.  I'm not looking for your pity.  It's better for me to talk than to keep everything all inside.  I don't want you to think I'm selfish, but can't you see how much I'm hurting?  Sometimes I take out my baby's things...smell them, caress them, hug and kiss them and rock them until the tears stop falling.  Please don't turn a blind eye to me.  If you think its too painful for you, multiply that by infinity and you might have a vague idea of how much pain I am in.  I did not ask for this to happen.  I do ask for your love and support.  If you can't think of anything to say, then just listen to me.  Let me borrow your shoulder.  Surely you are stronger than I am, and you can help me by simply being there." 
---Unknown Author

      Wow is all I can say about this.  I pilfered this from a picture posted on the Baby Loss Momma's Facebook page.  I have to say I love this.  Its so fitting, so true.  This is exactly what I have thought on many occasions.  I have felt selfish; that I am relying on my family and friends for strength too much.  But I know I couldn't survive without them.  And the line about the baby items...I still sleep with the blanket Addie was wrapped in.  No, it doesn't smell like her anymore, but it has become my security.  Never thought I'd be 31 years old and still have a security blanket.  Oh well.
     I have been shattered; I have hurt more than I ever thought possible and the hurt keeps coming.  But I am lucky to have people that care enough to offer their support without being asked.  Slowly, the pieces are coming back together. Slowly my heart is healing.  But there is one piece that will never be replaced.  The piece, in the shape of a butterfly, should fit in the middle of my heart, but instead, that piece will spend eternity soaring with the stars.  Love you baby girl!


Sarah Erwin said...

Thinking about you and Addison today, Mary.
I know every single day is you!

Missy said...

That's awesome! I might steal it. I have a security monkey. Who knew?

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