Thursday, November 18, 2010

Can I just skip tomorrow?

So here I sit, the evening before my 31st birthday and I just wish I could go to sleep tonight and not wake up until Saturday morning.  I always wanted to have my first kid by the time I was 30.  I guess, technically, I did.  Yes, I am proud to be a momma of an angel, but its so hard to face turning 31 without my chubby little girl squealing in my arms.  I just want to forget that its my birthday.  And I want everyone else to forget it too, but I know that won't happen.

I think what makes it worse is that Addie would be 12 weeks old tomorrow.  Yet another milestone she won't reach.  That just hurts.  We waited so long for her, only to get so close and not be able to take her home.  Its just not right.  So much crap is going through my head right now, I just can't think.  I just want to forget my birthday.  It doesn't matter anyway.


Missy said...

I am the same way. I turned 30 one month after Chai died. I felt like I failed at life. 30 with no kids and at this rate maybe not one before I hit the big 3-1 either. This is not how I wanted my life to be. Much love to you Mary and for all it's worth I hope you have a wonderful birthday!

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