How am I going to survive the holidays?

I've been asking myself this question for a few weeks now.  It was really brought to light yesterday when my husband was asking me if the Saturday after Thanksgiving worked for us getting together with his side of the family would work for me.  Technically, I have no idea because I'm supposed to be starting a new job earlier that week and I don't know yet what my schedule will be.  But I found myself saying, "Is it that important for me to be there?"  I think I pissed him off because he gave me this look and says "Yes, it is, because I want you there."  He's already pissed about the fact I want to skip my birthday.  But is it really the schedule I'm using as an excuse?  I get the feeling its not.  I REALLY don't want to celebrate the holidays.  I'm glad we're only hosting one get together this year.  Thats only because we have the biggest house on my side of the family.  But, it just so happens we're hosting Christmas Eve.  I don't think I'm ready for this.  I was so looking forward to buying "Baby's First Christmas" ornaments and ordering her stocking.  WTH.  I can't do it now.  Its not fair that I have to spend my first holiday season as a mom but without my baby girl.  I know women in the past have done it, I just wish they would tell me how.  Send me the pamphlet, because lord knows I'm gonna need it.  Missing you baby girl!