So, we put up our Christmas tree yesterday. And I hated every minute of it. I sat there in the middle of the floor, going through the ornaments and started crying. I'm so weak. I couldn't even watch Patrick string the lights. For a person who normally loves this time of year, this is so weird. I don't like hating Christmas...I was looking forward to doing all the things for Addie's first Christmas. Although, my mom made the suggestion that I do what I was going to anyway. Buy her a stocking and get her the "Baby's First Christmas" ornament. After all, she is still part of the family, regardless of whether she is here or not. I know, though, I wouldn't be able to look at her stocking this year. Our stockings hang right below our TV. Right in the line of sight. So even if I order it, I know I won't hang it.
But, the tree is up. I really hesitated putting it up this year. I actually told my hubby that I didn't want to put it up. Of course, the reason I gave him was why go through the trouble if we aren't hosting Christmas for our families this year. But, I knew he was disappointed at the thought. We've always had a tree, big or small. Yet, he still supported my suggestion without question...I'm so lucky to have him in my life.
Yesterday just wasn't a good day. I never imagined having to put up Christmas decorations without her. Its just not right. I know, one day, I'll love Christmas again...just not right now.
Fallon Jade Rilling
4 days ago