Monday, December 6, 2010

It's done and I hated every minute of it!

So, we put up our Christmas tree yesterday.  And I hated every minute of it.  I sat there in the middle of the floor, going through the ornaments and started crying.  I'm so weak.  I couldn't even watch Patrick string the lights.  For a person who normally loves this time of year, this is so weird.  I don't like hating Christmas...I was looking forward to doing all the things for Addie's first Christmas.  Although, my mom made the suggestion that I do what I was going to anyway.  Buy her a stocking and get her the "Baby's First Christmas" ornament.  After all, she is still part of the family, regardless of whether she is here or not.  I know, though, I wouldn't be able to look at her stocking this year.  Our stockings hang right below our TV.  Right in the line of sight.  So even if I order it, I know I won't hang it.

But, the tree is up.  I really hesitated putting it up this year.  I actually told my hubby that I didn't want to put it up.  Of course, the reason I gave him was why go through the trouble if we aren't hosting Christmas for our families this year.  But, I knew he was disappointed at the thought.  We've always had a tree, big or small.  Yet, he still supported my suggestion without question...I'm so lucky to have him in my life.

Yesterday just wasn't a good day.  I never imagined having to put up Christmas decorations without her.  Its just not right.  I know, one day, I'll love Christmas again...just not right now.


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