Saturday, December 18, 2010


I feel so selfish.  Christmas is supposed to be all about giving to others, but all I can think about is myself.  All I can think about is what I want.  How is that right?  Its all about me...what I want is all I can think about.  The closer Christmas gets, the more I think about me.  Selfish, selfish, selfish.  How can I be so self-centered, so stingy, so inconsiderate?  I have never been like this before, what the hell is wrong with me?  I'm not that kind of person, but it's all I can think about.

All I want for Christmas is have you in my arms, to watch you sleep at night, to see you laugh and smile.  If only I could see you one more time.  All I want is that so wrong?


Missy said...

You are not alone. It annoys me that I am even expected to participate in the festivities. I just want to lock myself inside and wait until it's January 5. Then it might be safe to come outside. Sending love and thinking of you and Addison this week.

Melissa said...

I feel the same way some days. Grief is uncontrollable in that way unfortunately. I do think that this first Christmas we do have to be a bit selfish to take care of our needs though. I hope that next year can be a little less about me and this loss but for this year I have to accept this as my reality. It's not easy, but it just is.

Jenn said...

This time of year is rough. So rough. I'm like Missy - irritated than anybody even would consider that I want to participate in the festivities. Sending you hugs and praying for you. xx

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