Today it came...

     So, I had a surprise waiting for me when I got home.  Well, two, actually.  I had signed up for the gift exchange through Faces of Loss, Faces of Hope website and I was paired with another baby loss momma.  Well,  my gift arrived today.  There were several cute things but one I really loved.  It's just perfect, so simple but so right.  I added it to our Christmas tree.

     I just think it fits Addie so well.  Thanks to Kristy who got it just right!

     I also opened her stocking today.  I have to say it made me so happy to see her name embroidered on it.  Like she's actually here to see it.  Its adorable and I wish I had the strength to actually display.  I would love to see it hanging with ours, but I think it would be too difficult to look at.  Still, it feels right to have her stocking...I'm glad I ordered it.

     I had a discussion with my hubby tonight.  Yesterday he had said something that stuck with me.  He asked if we were still planning on going to his parents house on Christmas Day, which we always do.  I guess it kind of stuck with me, so today I asked him what he meant.  He wanted to know if I was up for it.  I told him not really, but I know what is expected of me.  I know that people would be disappointed if I, if we, didn't partake in family holiday time.  Is that what it's going to boil down to now?  Are the holidays always going to be "have to" and not "want to?"  I don't want the holidays to be like this.  I want to enjoy the time I spend with my family...I don't want to be sad, I don't want to miss her.  Is this how Christmas is going to be from now on?