Friday, February 25, 2011

Oh, baby...

     Seriously, I don't thnk I've ever posted this much in one day.  So, my SIL just texted me.  They are on the way to the hospital, her water broke.  Oh shit.  P wants to go down tomorrow.  I do too...I need to see that he is safe and healthy, but I am scared.  Scared of the baby, scared of the hospital, scared of my own emotions.  Oh shit.  I still haven't decided if I want to hold him or not.  Maybe I'll wait until I see him to decide.  In the mean time, I need to get a hold of myself.  My heart is racing, I've cried twice since I found out and its only been an hour.  I know I should go...I HAVE to go.  I have to make sure he is okay.  Amanda was there for me when I delivered Addie, I want to be there for her.  Plus, I could never forgive myself if something happened and we weren't there.  Oh shit.  All this and Addie's 6 month birthday is on Sunday.  Oh baby...oh shit!

8 comments:

Tabatha said...

Deep breaths mama! ((hugs)) do what feels right to you!! and i agree.. just wait til you see how it is when you get there.. don't set an expectation for yourself.. just go with it.. and if you hold him great, if you don't-great! just remember that you don't have to do anything you're not comfortable with!! do what is is in your heart! thinking of you!! xoxo

Mary said...

Thanks Tabatha! I needed that!

Melissa said...

Be kind to yourself and do what's right for you, not what you feel others expect of you. I pray that it will be a joyful experience for you to meet your nephew. I will meet mine tomorrow, although I have held other newborns since Mikayla so I'm over that part of the fear...and he was a boy so I don't have to face the fear of Mikayla being replaced by another granddaughter..yet. I will tell you that my fears and anxiety about the babies in my life were worse than the events themselves. It's still hard, but with each one it gets a little better. Hugs to you!

Becky said...

I haven't had to deal with a situation like that yet but I would assume that if you went and had to leave early or didn't feel comfortable holding the baby they would understand.

New Year Mum said...

The first time I held a newborn was easier than I thought... somehow I felt peaceful with the baby in my arms. But even now, a year later, I still find it hard. I agree.. do what's right for you and she would understand if you needed to leave early. Just take it one step at a time and be gentle on yourself xoxo

Missy said...

I will have you on my mind mama!

Sherri said...

Thinking about you again today (never wrote yesterday, but kept you in me thoughts!) I really hope that everything is going smoothly, both with your SIL's labor, and you meeting the baby. Praying for a good outcome!

Sherri said...

me thoughts.. I sound like a Newfie there.. MY thoughts lol!

 
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